MY MOM IS A SURVIVOR

My mom is a survivor; Or so I've heard it said.
But I can hear her crying at night when all others are in bed.

I watch her lay awake at night and go to hold her hand.
She doesn't know I'm with her to help her understand.

But like the sands on the beach that never wash away.....
I watch over my surviving mom; "Who thinks of me each day.

She wears a smile for others.... A smile of disguise!
But through heavens door's I see the tears flowing from her eye's.

My mom tries to cope with death, and to keep my memory alive.
But anyone who knows her, knows it is only her way to survive.

As I watch over my surviving mom through heaven's open door....
I try to tell her that angel's "Protect me now forever more".

I know that doesn't help her... Or ease the burden that she bears
So if you get the chance, go visit her... And show her that you care.

For no matter what she says.... No matter what she feels.
My surviving mom has a broken heart "That time won't ever heal".

A Son
A Brother

Questions without answers is all that is left.
And empty room with no movement where you once slept.
A broken mom and a broken sister seaching every moment for the life once known as my Son, as my Brother.
The tears we cry as time slips slowly by reminds us painfully of all the why's that now fills our lives.
The only thing that has remained the same is the love and now the pain.
A mom , a sister now living without a son, a brother.
Our hearts forever broken; our dreams forever shattered; our life forever changed.
Questions without answers is what we have left.
And empty room with no movement where you once sept.

By: Carol Ragsdale
(mom)


    Thank you Rhonda for this perfect graphic!
Try To Understand

Last night while I was trying to sleep,
My son's voice I did hear
I opened my eyes and looked around,
But he did not appear.

He said:"Mom you've got to listen,
You've got to understand
God didn't take me from you, mom
He only took my hand.

When I called out in pain that night,
The instant that I died,
He reached down and took my hand,
And pulled me to His side.

He pulled me up and saved me
From the misery and pain.
My body was hurt so badly inside,
I could never be the same.

My search is really over now,
I've found happiness within,
All the answers to my empty dreams
And all that might have been.

I love you all and miss you so,
And I'll always be nearby.
My body's gone forever,
But my spirit will never die!

And so, you must all go on now,
Live one day at a time.
Just understand-
God did not take me from you,
He only took my hand.

Written by Susan R. George Shipman

This boy came into the world with so much energy and imagination. From the very beginning he loved guns and knives. His toy box was a huge crate that his dad brought home from work that covered one entire wall in his room. He never asks to go to Toys R Us but always to Toys for Me. He had every toy imaginable and was in middle school before he decided to give most of them away, and get rid of the oversized crate.

My dad is a survivor too...
which is no surprise to me.
He's always been like a lighthouse
that helps you cross a stormy sea.

But, I walk with my dad each day
to lift him when he's down.
I wipe the tears he hides from others.
He cries when no one's around.

I watch him sit up late at night,
with my picture in his hand.
He cries as he tries to grieve alone,
and wishes he could understand.

My dad is like a tower of strength.
He's the greatest of them all~!
But there's times when he needs to cry...
Please be there when he falls.

Hold his hand or pat his shoulder...
and tell him it's okay.
Be his strength when he's sad,
Help him mourn in his own way.

Now, as I watch over my precious dad
from the Heaven's up above...
I'm so proud that he's a survivor...
And, I can still feel his love~!


Written by Kaye Des'Ormeaux
October 16, 1998






When I think back
On these times
And the dreams
We left behind
I'll be glad 'cause
I was blessed to get
To have you in my life
When I look back
On these days
I'll look and see your face
You were right there for me

In my dreams
I'll always see your soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There will always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be

Well you showed me
How it feels
To feel the sky
Within my reach
And I always
Will remember all
The strength you
Gave to me
Your love made me
Make it through
Oh, I owe so much to you
You were right there for me

'Cause I always saw in you
My light, my strength
And I want to thank you
Now for all the ways
You were right there for me
You were right there for me
For always




A Mother's Grief
by
Kelly Cummings

You ask me how I'm feeling,
but do you really want to know?
The moment I try telling you
You say you have to go

How can I tell you,
what it's been like for me
I am haunted, I am broken
By things that you don't see

You ask me how I'm holding up,
but do you really care?
The second I try to speak my heart,
You start squirming in your chair.

Because I am so lonely,
you see, no one comes around,
I'll take the words I want to say
And quietly choke them down.

Everyone avoids me now,
Because they don't know what to say
They tell me I'll be there for you,
then turn and walk away.

Call me if you need me,
that's what everybody said,
But how can I call you and scream
into the phone,
My God, my child is dead?

No one will let me
say the words I need to say
Why does a mothers grief
scare everyone away?

I am tired of pretending
as my heart pounds in my chest,
I say things to make you comfortable,
but my soul finds no rest.

How can I tell you things
that are too sad to be told,
of the helplessness of holding a child
who in your arms grows cold?

Maybe you can tell me,
How should one behave,
who's had to follow their childs casket,
watched it perched above a grave?

You cannot imagine
what it was like for me that day
to place a final kiss upon that box,
and have to turn and walk away.

If you really love me,
and I believe you do,
if you really want to help me,
here is what I need from you.

Sit down beside me,
reach out and take my hand,
Say "My friend, I've come to listen,
I want to understand."

Just hold my hand and listen
that's all you need to do,
And if by chance I shed a tear,
it's alright if you do to.

I swear that I'll remember
till the day I'm very old,
the friend who sat and held my hand
and let me bare my soul.

Do You Remember Me

TO SOME I MAY BE NOTHING MORE THAN A DISTANT MEMORY. 

MY LIFE ON EARTH IS OVER NOW, BUT DO YOU 
REMEMBER ME? 

I KNOW I LEFT WITH OUT WARNING, BUT GOD'S WORK FOR ME HERE WAS THROUGH.
 
PLEASE DON'T TRY TO STOP THE THOUGHTS OF ME BECAUSE I NEVER WILL OF YOU.  

SOME MAY HEAR OR SPEAK MY NAME AND VANISH THE THOUGHT OF ME, WHY IS IT NOW THAT I AM GONE NO ONE STOPS TO SEE. 

I'M CLOSER TO YOU NOW THAN I EVER WAS BEFORE, 
I LOVE YOU ALL JUST THE SAME AND WILL FOREVERMORE. 

SO,PLEASE DON'T LET MY MEMORIES SLOWLY FADE AWAY... 
FOR I'M STILL HERE INSIDE YOUR HEART YOU SEE,WHERE I WILL 
ALWAYS STAY. 

DON'T THINK OF ME AS GONE FOREVER BECAUSE SOMEDAY 
WE'LL MEET AGAIN. 

KEEP ME CLOSE INSIDE YOUR HEART UNTIL GOD TELLS YOU WHEN. 

YOU MAY BE THERE FOR MANY YEARS NO ONE EVER KNOWS, 
SO LET MY MEMORY STAY ALIVE AS THE LOVE INSIDE YOU 
GROWS. 

SOME OF YOU MAY WONDER WHY GOD CALLED FOR ME SOONER THAN YOU'D PLANNED. 

BUT PLEASE DON'T BE MAD AT HIM, FOR I'M IN THE MASTER'S HANDS.

PLEASE REMEMBER ME WITH LOVE AND WITH EACH TEAR THAT YOU 
CRY, REMEMBER I'M RIGHT BESIDE YOU STILL.

IN YOUR HEART I'M LOCKED IN SIDE.
 


He is Not Gone 

Ease your grief, he is not gone
For in your heart he lingers on.

His smile, his laugh, his special way,
Will comfort you from day to day.

You'll feel his presence in the breeze
That dances gently through the trees

And its his face that you shall see
when you're in need of company.

At anytime you can recall
the love you shared... you saved it all.

And really more than anything,
You'll find peace in remembering.


©Elizabeth Dent 

~Even Strong Men Cry~

You think because he’s a man he shouldn’t feel the pain,
of having his heart broken and tears that fall like rain.
Men you say are stronger and never show their fears,
they don’t let life destroy them, a fortress through the years.
Let me tell you of a battle waged daily on this dad,
leaving his heart in shreds with no happiness to be had.
Death came to call and took his loving son,
it left his heart broken, his world undone.
This battle has him crying and crawling on his knees,
if you listen you can hear him begging, "Why God, please?"
He sees what it has done to his daughter and his life,
as they live daily with grief’s never ending strife.
Now his closest friend, his son, lives beyond the sky,
and when death comes to take your child..... even strong men cry.

~Charlene Dickerson~ ©2001

A Blast From The Past!!
The Orginal Mullis Gang!!

In the beginning these were the sweetest boys you could have ever imagined. Then came puberty; and they rocked my nerves. They were still pretty sweet boys though at times I would have like to have; " well I should probably leave this to the imagination" somethings are better left unsaid. One thing is for sure I loved Matt; shit I loved them all.  I still do. The jokesters is what I called them. They were inseparable for many many years. Forget the thought of them ever showing up for school, they had a plan and learning wasn't part of it. They thought they already knew it all, in they're minds they were smarter than the rest. The more I tried to get a grip on these boys the more of a grip they got on me. These guys will hold a dear and special place inside my heart forever. In the end each of them stood bravely in the chapel and spoke out loud of they're forever love for the friend they had lost. They carried they're friend for his last walk as they were all pallbearers. I was so proud of how they stood by my son until the very end.
Guys I love you, 
"Matt loves you"!!

"P" Money
 "I Smoke by my self Drink by my self"



By Beenie Legato 

In LOVE Remember Me

Sometimes I sense a little flutter.
Like a shadow swiftly slipping by.
Or I hear a silent, gentle murmur. 
Like a soft whisper from out the sky. 

Sometimes... I hear you call my name,
Or clearly see your face before me.
And I feel that you are with me still.
 
Then peacefully... I come to know
As I am thinking happy thoughts of you
You, my son, are thinking of me too.
Loving memories fill my aching heart.
As dreaming dreams of what could be.
Or might have been, if you were here. 

Until the piercing pain of losing you
Comes tumbling down on trembling fear.
And clearly once again I hear you say, 

"But Mom…What if I had never been.
You could not then in LOVE remember me." 

 Best-Friends in Heaven
The two brightest stars in the sky are Matt and Ty!









Sweet Notes For Mom
From Matt

A Mother and Her Son

We walked together, you and I.
A mother and her son.
We had hopes and dreams for tomorrow,
But tomorrow didn't come.

We walked together, you and I.
We talked, we laughed, we loved.
We shared so many happy times
And for that, I thank the lord above.

We walked together, You and I,
But only for a short time.
For all too soon it ended
Leaving pieces of broken hearts behind.

And even though I miss you,
More than words can say,
I thank God that I got to walk with you
Every precious moment of every day....





A month or so before Matt's accident he went to a local photographer and had these wonderful Senior Pictures taken I have and entire book that I carry with me everywhere. And a couple of months after he had passed his girlfriends mother Nancy surprised me with a 2007 graduation tassel, for both of these I feel so blessed. They have given me strength through so many sad days.

He was really working hard going to school all day and night he had finally for the first time ever made honor roll he was so proud of himself he told me one evening after I got home from work " Hey Mom check this out I can't even make a "C" any more not even if I try". My husband and I laughed so hard at how confident he had become in his self; we would even display his report cards and his papers on the refrigerator as if he were a little kid to show him how proud we were at how far he had come.

This would be his final year he had finally pulled it off. He was so excited about graduating.  The Friday morning before his accident while getting ready for school I sat on the sofa talking to him about school and one of the last things he said to me that moring was "Mom this school stuff can you believe it " I sooo got this.  see I told you if it is the last thing I ever do mom I'm going to put my Diploma in your hands you'll see." And he did!!! Not the way I wanted him to.  I wanted to see them place it in his sweet hands and see his smile and feel the excitment through him.   I never got that just like I'll never get allot things I had hoped and dreamed for him.

  The week after his funeral I received the acceptance letter from the college where he had applied. My son going to college WOW! What a dream. I later made the call and told them that he could not attend, and I explained why. This was a major blow of reality to my  already broken heart. 

But inspite of it all I know I am so lucky to have had a Son that gave so much of him self just to make his mother smile. This has become my daily prayer," Dear God how am I to live without my sweet baby boy, I pray for you to please give me strength for with this pain that grows inside of me I am so unsure and afraid
that I just can't......live without him. 

Matthew I miss you so bad.  Your mom loves you so deep and so much!!!










Matthew K. Mullis and Hannah M. Guest
Newnan High School
Class  of 2007





Matthew's desire for playing the guitar started after he meet his friends Monkey and Buzz as Matt referred to them; I believe they're real names were Josh and Matt but I'm not totally sure. 
Matt called most of his friends by nick names and he had so many friends that I just wasn't able to keep up with their actual names.
 Matthew usually kept his guitar at Hannah's house and her dad Greg would spend time teaching him how to play. 
Matthew thought Monkey was the best he had ever heard. He was forever telling Paul and I how good he was and on many occasions he would come to our house and play. 
While many of Matthew's friends stood in the chapel and told of the sweet and wonderful things they would always remember about my son; Monkey choose to play a final song for him at his grave. 
Matthew use to always make Monkey play Stairway to heaven, and as a final tribute he knelt down on one knee and played so beautifully "Stairway to Heaven". 
I was so very proud of him; I could only imagne how nervous he must have been with so many people there but for Matthew he played anyway. 
Later on within the next couple of weeks while going through some of the videos and picture that Matthew had stored on his cell phone; I ran across one very special one it was Monkey playing Stairway to Heaven for Matthew. 
I could hear Matthew at the end of him playing saying man that was absolutly great. The tears flow every time I watch it for I will never forget how beautiful he played for Matthew that final day. 









THAT I CRY EACH DAY SINCE YOU'VE BEEN GONE!!!!!

GOD I PRAY THANKS TO YOU FOR BLESSING MY LIFE WITH THE BEAUTY OF MY SON.
LORD IF YOU HAD TO CHOOSE AN ANGLE HE WAS THE PERFECT ONE.
HE ENRICHED MY LIFE WITH SO MUCH JOY.
HE MADE ME LAUGH HE MADE ME SMILE.
WITH HIM MY LIFE WAS A WORLD OF SURPRISE.
LORD BESURE HE KNOWS JUST HOW PROUD I TRULY AM.
JUST BECAUSE HE'S NO LONGER HERE FOR ME TO SEE DOESN'T MEAN I'M NOT STILL HIS MOMMA BECAUSE THATS FOREVER WHO I WILL BE.

By: Carol Ragsdale
Matt's Mom